Ger Tzadik (Sorta)

Monday, February 06, 2006

Why Not Just be a Tzadik Ben Noach?

A question that some have asked of me, and one that I first had to answer for myself before I even decided to convert. After a little studying of the Noahide laws, I walked away very impressed, and yet also a bit empty.

Impressed, because this was a big problem I have had with Christianity: The core belief that you must believe as they do or suffer eternal damnation. This never sat right with me, especially since I could see and experience all the righteous people in the world who did not believe Jesus was sent to be their savior. What explanation and justice is there in the world if those people are punished eternally for their good deeds in this life? I knew there must be more, and here it was.

Then empty, because the foundation of learning that created these laws was closed off to me. I am by nature a voracious reader and learner. I must understand how things work to be satisfied and move on to a new area of learning. Simply being told: “This is the way it is, now move on”, is a fantastic way to make me angry. This was one of my big problems with my Catholic religious learning, after all.

I also had comfort in knowing that I could convert and have my family still be part of my life. I know to the core of my very being that my parents are righteous, god fearing people. They went above and beyond the call of duty to bring up a family that would be moral, ethical, and believe in God. The fact that the church could not convince me of God was not their doing. Regardless, I could not, EVER, convert to a religion that makes my parents heretics or evil in any way. That would be my first indication that something is wrong.

So this puts me in the position of feeling that I am in fact a good Ben Noach, but craving more understanding and learning, and of course, having no real future with someone who has just opened my eyes to an entire new world of learning and God. This made the entire situation untenable to me. I had to learn more, and in order to do so I had to convince people that I really wanted to convert.

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